Hello!  Welcome to Earth Speaks Crystal Healing!

I felt compelled to share my crystal story so that you could get to know me. I want you to know where I came from and how I got to where I am today. I want you to know that the road wasn’t easy, as it seldom is when you are discovering yourself. This story is 24 years long, something I didn’t even realize until I sat down to write it. I had to start at the very beginning.

Crystals have be in my life as far as I can remember and I am sure will be in it far into the future. I remember walking into a shop in Portsmouth and being fascinated by all the different colors. I remember going to the Isles of Shoals and digging through the treasure chest to fill up my velvet pouch. There are still little plastic buckets around my house full of the rocks that I collected from around my childhood home.

Somewhere around the time I started going to school, my memories of crystals fade. I didn’t buy or interact with any as far as I am aware, until I entered high school. Around this time I was introduced to meditation and energy work though a friend of my mother and all of a sudden the fascination was there again (if it even left). I bought crystals galore and books that explained their properties. I delved into the “New Age” concepts of meditation and energy.

It all felt very natural to me. Never was there a conscious decision or “I am going to learn all I can about this” moment. It just flowed back into my life. It was easy. Natural. Looking back most of the “decisions” in my life have been that way; natural to the point that they don’t feel like decisions at all.

By the time I graduated high school I had been attending meditation classes and such for four years and was pretty in tune with energy, yet I still had a strong affinity for science and horses. As I entered my senior year and began thinking about what I wanted to do with my life I began to panic a little bit. I didn’t really know what I wanted to do. I knew it had something to do with horses and considered pursuing a career as a natural horsemanship trainer but thinking about all of the stigma around not having a college degree scared me and I was worried that I wouldn’t have anything to fall back on. I considered becoming a veterinarian but an Equine Science class at an equine clinic showed me that was not the path for me. There was one more idea however, and this one stuck: equine chiropractic.

I was introduced to chiropractic first through horses. There was a veterinarian that would come to the barn to work on the horses where I rode and every time I was fascinated with what he was doing. I loved watching him work with horses and often offered to hold horses for him. It wasn’t until my sophomore year in high school that I experienced chiropractic for myself. At this time, I found myself fascinated with how a misalignment in the rider’s body could affect the alignment of the horse. So I had my answer, my goal, and I decided on a major in Biology so that I could keep my options open. At this point I thought you had to be a veterinarian to practice chiropractic on horses but I didn’t want to limit myself to the Pre-Vet major  that was offered at the college I had chosen to attend.

That school was Otterbein University. I had heard about the school at the barn from one of the boarders whose daughter was attending. I also came across it when I did a search of schools with good equine and pre-vet programs. I liked all of the information I found about the school and something about Ohio just felt right even before I visited. When I did visit everything just clicked. I knew the moment that my mom and I drove onto the campus that this was the school for me. Better yet, I had found a barn the perfect distance away with everything I needed to bring my beloved horse out there with me. There was never a question – for me anyway – about whether or not Scout was coming with me. He was my rock, my anchor and I knew that wherever I went, he went.

And, of course, my collection of crystals all came with me as well. At this point in time a career concerning crystals never really occurred to me. I have vague memories of daydreaming about doing exactly what my energy worker friend, Michele, did – traveling around communicating with and helping horses and their owners get on the same page – but it always just seemed like a daydream.

So I attended college and I loved it. I love learning so I found that I enjoyed almost all of my classes. Even the ones I didn’t exactly enjoy, looking back now I can see that they still did teach me a lot. I grew as a person as well. I realized that college was nothing like high school and I had a lot more responsibility and accountability. Everything was still easy though, natural. It felt right.

On a break, I remember attending a vendor event that Michele had a table at and I met an equine chiropractor there. I talked to her about chiropractic and how it was the field I wanted to go into after I realized I didn’t really want to be a vet. I mentioned how I was going to end up going to vet school anyway to become a chiropractor and felt like I would be wasting time on an education I wasn’t going to be using. She informed me that was not the case. She told me that you needed to be a veterinarian or a doctor of chiropractic in order to be certified to work on animals and that she recommended chiropractic school as it provided much more experience physically adjusting.

It was the answer I was looking for. A way to avoid investing in an education that I knew I wasn’t going to use and I thanked her for that. My plan solidified and I began planning so I could acquire all the necessary prerequisites for entry into chiropractic school.

Plan in place, I now felt secure in what I was doing. I went about college life, attending classes nine months out of the year and returning home for the summer. After a couple of years, I began to notice that it was getting harder and harder for me to shift back into a more relaxed, connected, energy based life-style when I returned home in the summer. Meditation was harder and I found myself analyzing much more than feeling. I knew it had to do with spending so much time in a science based analytical curriculum that trains you to think critically and follow a specific method for determining an answer to a question. The two halves of my personality were colliding or rather, my left brain tendencies had more power than my right brain. I was out of balance and I could feel that.

While at school I mediated with my stones when I had the time, drew oracle cards and kept track of dreams and any animal guides that presented themselves to me but I never felt like it was enough to balance the training I was at school to receive. Being on my own, away from my circle of like minded friends also made it more difficult. I have always found it to be more difficult to meditate on my own. I also found it hard take the time out for myself.

Fast forward to the beginning of my senior year. This is the time I started seriously considering where I was going after I graduated and all that went with it. I looked more closely at schools and narrowed my choices down to two: Palmer College of Chiropractic in Davenport, Iowa and Life University in Marietta, Georgia.  Palmer was the top school and the birthplace of chiropractic and Life had a wonderful curriculum. Palmer was also the Alma Mater of my personal chiropractor. I applied and was accepted into both schools.

Right off the bat Palmer was my top choice.  I planned a visit in early November with my roommate Nicole. I knew what I was looking for when I visited. I wanted the same feeling I got when I visited Otterbein for the first time. I wanted that feeling of absolute “rightness”.

I didn’t get it. It was a confusing realization because everyone at the prospective student event was passionate and knowledgeable. They loved what they were doing and did a great job  of sharing their stories. My admissions adviser was super friendly and helpful but when we went to some model classes, I remember being in the room full of preserved brains and thinking about how I didn’t really like learning about anatomy. I was also rather underwhelmed by the lab facilities. I told myself I was being a snob and was just spoiled by Otterbien’s newer and more expensive science building but while exploring the buildings with Nicole on our own towards the end of the day  I got a strange eerie feeling. I told myself the buildings were old and deserted and it would be better when all the students were there. I can remember standing in the hotel room looking out the window searching for that feeling of “rightness” and not quite getting it. I told myself it was because Davenport was a larger city than I was used to being in.

After this trip I entered a period of silent turmoil. I knew I didn’t get the feeling I wanted from Palmer but it was the best school in the country for chiropractic. I felt that if I was going to be a chiropractor, then it would be in my best interest to go to the school that was know for being the best. Then there was Life. I had another option but I hadn’t visited it. I knew I would have to if I was even going to consider going there. However, even with Life as an alternative I was still more focused on Palmer.

But I wasn’t only questioning what school I wanted to attend. I was questioning whether I still wanted a career in chiropractic and that scared me to death. When I would think about Palmer and how unsure I was with the whole situation I would get these shocks of fear that settled right in my stomach. I wrote about my insecurities in my journal and tried to figure out why I was feeling the way I was feeling. I analyzed everything from why I wanted to be a chiropractor in the first place to what else I wanted to do with my life. I found out that I felt fearful whenever I thought of committing to Palmer and thought that the my problem lay in not having visited the other school. So I told Mom I wanted to go and visit Life. We planned a trip to visit both schools together before I made my decision.

I felt better after this. I was able to go back to school after winter break – when most of this turmoil was occurring – and focus on my schoolwork which included a large senior thesis research project. As I got more into this research project, I began to get conflicted again. I loved the work I was doing. It felt meaningful and felt like it could have a real impact. At the same time, I had never envisioned myself working in lab for the rest of my life. This was also the time when a lot of my professors began asking what my plans were for after I graduated.

I distinctly remember an encounter with my Organic Chemistry lab professor. We were discussing the intricacies of a mechanism we would be working with during the class and he asked me what I was going to do after I graduated. I told him my plans and he threw up his hands and said “Oh what a waste! You have such a mind for this. What we are discussing is really intricate stuff.”  And I knew he wasn’t the only one thinking that. It made me doubt myself and my decision even more. I felt like I wasn’t using my talent to its highest ability and that perhaps I should consider something else.

The only problem was that I had know idea what else I wanted to do. There was a lot of stuff I could do and that was one on the many things that was so hard. I was smart enough to do whatever I wanted as far as graduate school was concerned. My problem was that there were far too many options.

So I stuck with my plans. My mother and I visited the two schools to determine which was the better fit for me. We went to Georgia first and I found that, while I did like the school and the area around it, there was something missing. I was much more focused on Palmer. As we drove out there from Columbus I was much more excited to get there and show mom around. I wanted her to like it as much as I was telling myself I did. The trip went much better this time around. All the students were there, as it was the middle of the semester, The school felt more alive. We took a tour with a student that I had met on my previous visit and it was a lot of fun. I had basically made my decision. We went to the school store after our tour to get a sweatshirt. When I went to buy it I got this nervous, sick feeling in my stomach. Buying the sweatshirt felt like a commitment and I was very confused as to why this was making me feel very nervous. I had been feeling a little sick earlier in the day from a coffee I was drinking during the tour so I just shook the feeling off and bought the sweatshirt.

I am convinced now that I was seeing what I wanted to see during this trip. I told myself everything was better, that it was the place for me. When I went back to school to finish up my undergraduate career I still got feelings of uncertainty. I was scared I was going to get out to Iowa in the fall and realize that I didn’t want to do chiropractic. I told myself that if this was the case it wasn’t the end of the world. I didn’t have to do chiropractic. I dove into it though. I made myself feel like I loved it. When I thought about leaving my research project behind I would get sad. I have said it once already but I will say it again. I loved that project. I felt like I was doing something meaningful; like I was making a difference in the world. That is a huge part of me. I want to feel like I am making a difference. I knew that about myself then and I know that about myself now. Back then, I was going to make a difference as a chiropractor. Now . . . I am taking a different route.

Let’s talk about how I got where I am now.

I graduated from Otterbein May 3, 2015. I went home for the summer and went about sinking back into my more spiritual self. I went to see my horse everyday and made the realization that I would be perfectly happy doing just that for the rest of my life. My graduation present from my mom was a Dave Ellis clinic at the end of June. I had a ton of fun. It was stressful because I realized how much there was that I still didn’t know. Everyone told me how great I was and how awesome Scout and I were together.  One woman told me I should go out to his farm in California and learn from him; I was just so good. Again this made me nervous because it challenged my plans. I wanted to learn more natural horsemanship but I wasn’t sure I wanted to give up chiropractic school.

Before I knew it it was August and we had to start planning the move out to Iowa in October. I was looking for places to live and found an apartment that looked nice and was really close to campus. Everything came together and we set out on the three day journey October 17, 2015.

I was  really long drive but eventually we made it out to the barn where I was going to keep Scout. The woman was really nice and the farm nice. There were little things about it that I didn’t like but they were cosmetic and I told myself to get over it. The next day was when it really starts to get interesting. Interesting isn’t exactly the right word but it is the best I can come up with.

The plan for the day was to move me into my apartment. We started the day by going to Target to pick up some things that I still needed for the apartment. As we were walking through the store I started getting this sick feeling in my stomach, like it was tightening up. I ignored it. When we were done there we went to the apartment. Driving up I was underwhelmed. Looking back now I know there was more to the feeling than that. The house felt dark. When we went inside I was even less impressed. The apartment was much smaller than the picture of it had looked and it wasn’t in great shape. The floor sloped steeply to one side, the kitchen floor was peeling, the tub in the bathroom had rust stains. It was very eerie. I didn’t say anything.

We started bring in all of my stuff. I still had the tightness in my stomach but I was trying to ignore it. Once everything was inside we began to unpack and I found that every time I reached for something I felt this intense shock of fear straight through my heart and stomach. It felt like I literally couldn’t  unpack. I didn’t know what to make of the feeling but I couldn’t ignore it. The longer I was there the worse it got. I didn’t say anything.

Eventually, we decided to go to the barn to get the rest of my stuff out of the horse trailer. The entire ride there I thought about what I was feeling and how “off” everything felt and just got more and more nervous. It was making me feel physically ill. When we got to the barn I headed straight for the bathroom where I was sick. I thought maybe I would feel better after but I didn’t. I knew I had to say something. I told mom how I was feeling.

The feeling didn’t go away. It only got worse as I tried to process what was going on. We were back in the hotel when I finally acknowledged that maybe I didn’t want to go to chiropractic school. There was so much spinning inside of me I didn’t know which way was up. There was this part of me that was telling me to get over it, that I was being stupid and this was what I was going to do for the rest of my life. At the same time there was another part of me screaming at me that this wasn’t what I was suppose to be doing. It didn’t take me long to realize that the only time I felt better was when I thought about going home.

I told mom all of this and of course she understood. There was this part of me that felt like I was disappointing her. I felt like I was letting everyone down.  I felt sick all the time, I hardly ate anything. I couldn’t shake this feeling of fear. We contacted Michele to see if she could help. I did anything and everything I could to ground myself. I had never felt that of balance in my life. I couldn’t go out into the city without the fear creeping back over me. I never knew I was this sensitive to energy until this happened to me. The energy of the city literally felt like it was crawling over me.

We couldn’t just turn around and go home immediately because of Scout. The journey was hard on him and he needed a few days to recover. I am so thankful to the owner of that barn because I knew I didn’t have to worry about Scout. I knew he was being well taken care of. I went out a couple of times to try and ground myself and get in touch with what I was really feeling. I felt so conflicted but I always came back to going home and I always felt better when I did. I couldn’t even imagine being out there without my parents they did so much to support me and I knew I would completely fall apart if they weren’t there.

It only took me two days of being in Iowa to know without a doubt I couldn’t be there. I sent an email to my admissions adviser and told him I was withdrawing. This was one of the hardest things to do because I felt like I was disappointing him. That was a common theme. I thought about everyone I was letting down, or rather that I felt like I was letting down and I just felt horrible.

I was angry and frustrated because I couldn’t figure why this was happening to me. Nothing made sense to me at the time. It makes a little more sense to me now but there are still major parts of this story that make no sense to me or I can’t figure out why they happened which continues to frustrate me to this day. One of the things Michele told me while I was out there was that I had to let go of trying to figure out what was going to happen in the future. I had to focus on what I was feeling and just make the decision.

We left Iowa five days after we arrived and with every mile we drove away I felt better. The tightness left my stomach and I was able to relax more. I would still fall into these moments where I would question everything I was doing.  I would wonder if I was making the right decision in leaving. I would question whether I was feeling better because I was running from something that would push me out of my comfort zone. I also started to feel sad. I was leaving something behind that I had completely committed myself to and I didn’t quite know how to handle it. It felt like I was mourning something I had lost. I also worried about what I was going to tell people. How was I going to explain what happened when I didn’t even fully understand it?

It took me a long time after this to even remotely feel secure. Even after we arrived home I constant thought about what had happened. I worried over what I was going to do with my life. I couldn’t shake the fear of not knowing where I was going. I had no plans and that scared me to death. I had to focus on just staying in the present moment.

I dove into getting myself back on stable footing. I turned to my crystals for support and had sessions with Michele. I also went back and looked at my journals. What I found there astounded me at that time but will come as no surprise to you as you have read this story.

I knew this was going to happen to me. Many times in my journals I said “I am afraid I am going to get out there and realize chiropractic isn’t what I want to be doing”. I finally saw all of those sick feelings I had gotten in that past for what they were: signs telling me this wasn’t what I was supposed to be doing. I had ignored the messages and so the universe had to resort to extreme measures to get my attention.

It has become clear to me that all of the confusion I felt out in Iowa were the two halves of me conflicting. The left brain analytical was telling me that what I was feeling made no sense and that I needed to get over it. My right brain intuitive was demanding that I listen and making it impossible to ignore that this didn’t feel right.  I would flash between trying to figure things out analytically and just feeling like I didn’t belong and “knowing” I needed to go home.

Even as I write this the emotions and everything I felt out there is still there. This is something that I will remember for the rest of my life as it has had a huge impact on it. There are so many lessons here that I can see now that I am back in a more stable place. It wasn’t easy to get to. It has been  over a year and I still feel like I haven’t completely let the event go but in the last year I recognize that I have grown so much.

I pay much more attention to how I feel about things, probably too much attention sometimes. I don’t ignore anything. I know now that ignoring the feelings doesn’t make them go away. It only ensures that the next time they resurface they will be stronger.

Something else I realize now is that guidance is always there. The answers to our questions are right in front of us. We need only tap into the correct frequency. For me, that frequency is crystals. Throughout everything they were always there. I was always using them. Their energy was always helping me even if I didn’t always recognize it. I am so attuned to them that I don’t feel these extraordinary pulses of energy that some people feel. Their energy is so like my own that it doesn’t feel any different.

I am only just now realizing this. I remember doing a meditation with Michele at one of her full moon events that had us looking to the core of ourselves and our energy. What I found there was a crystal. At the very heart of my being that is the energy I resonate with. Now, I am not always 100% connected to this energy. I have probably only been 100% connected on one or two occasions. I lose it when I start thinking too much about what I am trying to accomplish or feel or create.

One of those moments was after I completed my volunteer crystal healing sessions as part of the crystal healing certification course in which I enrolled in March 2016. I had first come across the Hibiscus Moon Crystal Academy while I was still in college. I don’t remember exactly when but I think I was on winter break. I was contemplating how to make my life more connected and energy based and I already knew I loved crystals so I threw “crystal healing” into Google. Up popped this crystal healing certification course. I looked at the page and loved what it had to say. I thought that this would be something great to add after I had my chiropractic practice up and running. And that was that.

Until Iowa. When I got back from that experience I was a mess as I have mentioned already. I felt unstable and completely disconnected from myself. Well. . . truth is it was a massive reset. I had fallen into a pattern of thinking that was not completely aligned with who I wanted to be. I knew I wanted to be a healer, but I had locked onto the wrong type. Don’t get me wrong I still think chiropractic is amazing and super beneficial I was just never meant to be practicing it. Not two days after I got back from Iowa I was looking at the Hibiscus Moon certification course again.

I took me a while to be confident enough to enroll. My ego stepped up and supplied a lot of “what ifs” or “what would . . . think of that”. My ego still jumps in and tries to tell me I am not doing the right thing. For those of you not familiar, when I talk about the ego I talk about the part of ourselves that is always putting us down and making us feel like we aren’t good enough; the part of ourselves that is steering us away from what we really want to be doing. I am still learning to listen to my inner guidance instead of the voice that is telling me I can’t do this; the part of me that is so afraid of feeling like I did when I was in Iowa. I am still learning to not rely on what others think of me and focus on how I think of myself. It’s not easy. I want to please everyone else before I even think about myself.

I am growing, however. I graduated from the Hibiscus Moon Crystal Academy certified crystal healer course in August 2016 and I have to say that I have never felt as happy or as connected to myself as when I was performing healing sessions. I felt alive. I am exploring my creativity in a way that I haven’t since high school.

I have made bracelets and elixirs and oils aimed to help myself and others. There is such a desire in me to help other feel mentally, emotionally, and spiritually healthy. Crystals and stones have helped me so much and I know they can help others. I am ready to share my passion. I am ready to expand and share my knowledge. I am entering into another chapter in my story and I plan to share everything I learn in future blog posts.

I am so excited to continue to grow in areas I never thought I could. It’s going to be so much fun! Thank you so much for reading my story! I know it was a long one. I hope it has helped you not only get to know me better, but get to know yourself as well. I hope my story has showed you that there are no wrong decisions and that the universe is always helping you towards what you are meant to be doing.

Namaste!

 

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